People-pleasing is a common tendency, especially in professional settings. While it may seem harmless or even beneficial at first, it can lead to challenges that impact both your well-being and career growth. Here’s how people-pleasing often manifests in the workplace, along with strategies to manage it effectively.
How People-Pleasing Shows Up at Work
With power dynamics at play and financial security on the line, a lot of people leverage People-Pleasing to navigate the workplace. This can often shape a particular set of outcomes for people.
Burnout: People-pleasers often say "yes" to everything, leading to an overwhelming workload. This not only hampers their ability to deliver quality work but can also push them and their teams toward burnout. When you’re constantly overextending yourself, you’re more likely to hit a breaking point.
Feedback-Focused: Your emotional well-being may become tightly linked to the amount of positive feedback you receive. This can create a roller coaster of emotions, where your happiness depends on others' validation.
Deference: Walking on eggshells is another sign of people-pleasing. You might avoid disagreeing with others or taking a stance, always waiting for others to speak first. This can stifle your voice and diminish your contributions in the workplace.
Hitting a Ceiling: People-pleasers often excel up to a certain point in their careers but struggle to break through to leadership roles. This is because people-pleasing can be perceived as a lack of assertiveness or confidence, qualities that are often valued in leadership positions. People-pleasers may receive vague feedback about needing more "executive presence" or "confidence" to advance.
Working With Your People-Pleasing
Chances are, your people-pleasing tendencies are relatively ingrained in you and have brought you some benefits, making it hard to let them go entirely. Instead of eliminating them, consider how you can use your people-pleasing tendencies in a more sustainable way.
Selective Yes: Continue saying "yes" to work that aligns with your personal values and priorities, particularly those that contribute to your leadership goals. Be intentional about the tasks you take on, focusing on those that truly matter.
Small Gestures: Channel your desire to please into smaller, meaningful actions. For instance, send a colleague an article that reminds you of them, or offer help in ways that don’t overwhelm you.
Proactive Feedback Seeking: If positive feedback lifts your spirits, find ways to receive it regularly. Ask for feedback from peers and supervisors to keep your morale high without depending solely on spontaneous praise.
Finding Space From Your People-Pleasing
Your People-Pleasing tendencies will not disappear overnight. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you move past People-Pleasing and take intentional baby steps towards a new reality.
People Inventory: Assess your relationships at work. Make a list of how you’ve supported others and how they’ve supported you. If you notice significant imbalances, consider why that might be. For individuals who seem to take advantage of your people-pleasing, identify one small thing you can say "no" to in the coming weeks. It could be as simple as delaying a response to their messages.
The Pause: Before agreeing to a new task, practice a ten-second pause. This brief moment of reflection allows you to check in with yourself and decide if saying "yes" aligns with your priorities. You can still agree, but this pause gives you space to make a more intentional choice.
Count Your Sorrys: Track how often you say "sorry" over the next few weeks. Reflect on whether these apologies align with your values or if they stem from your people-pleasing tendencies.
By recognizing and managing your people-pleasing tendencies, you can create a more balanced, fulfilling work experience that supports your well-being and career growth. If you would like to work with your people-pleasing tendencies in a more deliberate way, consider joining the Courageous Presence program.
Comments